April 2015. Wow, what a time. The last 2 years have been a whirlwind.Two years ago in April I changed jobs where I spent exactly a year teaching full time at a college (Rhodes Wellness College) thinking that was the direction I was meant for. It was a year ago, again in April, that I left full time work and took time for me. That time came in the form of Yoga Teacher Training through an amazing school and studio – Karma Teachers here in Vancouver BC and an expressive arts therapist (AMAZING woman with such a multitude of healing tools. Everyone should see an expressive arts therapist).
Now here I am again in April considering another significant change (what is it about the month April?!! ).Returning to a field that I left so burnt out and depleted from. After a full year of pausing, meditating, stretching, healing, sweating and crying I am looking at what I want in life. The only thing is, is that I am not sure what I want matters. I think the universe has a plan and I need to stop fighting it or thinking I am not smart enough or good enough to listen. There are characteristics and ideals that I want in my life and if I stay connected to my heart I can have them. While there are logistical things to work around what I am realizing is that they barely matter. A year ago they were the only things that mattered.
I am currently working a short contract as an Addictions Counsellor and it seems like more of a fit than I ever thought it would. I thought “6 weeks, means money!” and that afterwards I can continue to focus on developing my own counselling business. Now I am thinking “hhmm, I think I could do this full time” . You (whomever you are out there in cyber land) may not think this is such a big deal. It is because today sucked. Big time.
A client that I have been working with died last night. This is the time where if I wanted to leave this industry, it would be now. Somehow I feel a bit more connected to the industry. Of course I am sad and teary and stressed out but I don’t want to bolt. I don’t feel so exhausted or fed up. 2 years ago when I began teaching at the college I was so emotionally full I would have quit and never looked back.
Thanks to my own counsellor and my own insight and path of healing I am at place of contemplation. Life is so damn precious and things happen so fucking fast (apologies for the profanity but sometimes it fits) that it is necessary to take pause and reflect.
Today I cry for those that struggle with pain in silence.
Today I grieve for those that die before healing their own pain/trauma/karma
Today I cry for those affected by death,addiction, poverty and other many difficulties that one can bare
Today I rejoice in the fact that tragedy and loss doesn’t have to define you (or me).
I will see what the universe has in store for me but I am happy to be at place where I feel that I have moved forward and beyond burn out (otherwise known as compassion fatigue or adrenal fatigue).
Rest in Peace and thank you for giving me the reminder to reflect and be grateful.
Family, friends, supporters and mentors I love you. Thank you.
Random lovelies in cyber land – you are appreciated as well.