Okay, time to vent a bit but also be truthful to myself.
On this journey of changing my working life I thought that it would be fairly easy. I know that what I am doing is something that speaks to me and that I am happy with. I know that I am changing my financial situation (big time) and that I am possibly venturing out to working for myself (something I never thought I’d do). I know that I am meeting a lot of new people (yay!) and that all in all there is going to be a lot of ‘new’ going on for me. I originally thought that I would take 2 months off work so that I could focus 100% on my yoga teacher training. Great plan. Too bad I didn’t stick to it.(Truth #1, I am feeling overwhelmed with all this newness and learning curves) On a whim (and a gut feeling) I applied for a part time position at an awesome bookstore – Banyen bookstore and sound – thinking that part time would be a good idea.
Of course they call, interview, hire and start training much much faster then I had anticipated (please don’t think that I am not grateful for it because I certainly am). Normally this is a good thing but it wasn’t the plan in my head (truth #2, I thought everyone knew my plan and would follow it accordingly!). I am not slowing things down like I thought I would. Just before I finished my previous position I had the intuitive hit that things were going to get busy and full once I start this change. I did not think it would happen so fast!
I have not been able to study as much as I have wanted to (Truth #3 – my determination and energy levels are not speaking the same language. Hard to push self when I am drained and falling asleep). I have not practiced at home at all like I had planned (truth #4, I have always been unproductive at home. Send me somewhere else and I can be pretty focused. Send me home and I do nothing) Meditation is important to me but I find it difficult to push past 10 minutes (truth # 5, my mind is sooo busy with all of this change that I feel too busy to meditation. I call bullshit on myself! I set an alarm for 20 minutes today, made it 15 minutes. So theres some progress)
While I keep my homework in mind and I am writing down some things (our Yama and Niyama practices) but I am slowly pulling away from posting publicly to the facebook page for the yoga group (truth # 6, apparently I use the busy-ness of life as an excuse to pull away. It’s a handy excuse, not totally ready to let it go).
So this morning while I did not do my asana (the physical workout of yoga) I believe I am practicing the other parts of yoga. I sat for a 15 minute meditation, even did some pranayama (breathwork) to aid my mind in slowing down. I did oil pulling for a bit as I puttered around. I am going to be kind to myself (ahimsa) while I share my truth (satya) and use this as time off from worry & stress (saucha) while I give time to myself (asteya) and be content (santosha) with my effort thus far (tapas). Knowing that my seized up muscles is stress and emotions from a variety of things that are slowly processing their way out I need to take things slower and even more mindfully.
For mindful thursday (brahmacharya) I will breathe into the sore muscles and thank my life and situation for where I am. I am grateful for this process (aparigraha) even if I squirm in it! I value this time in the morning to myself (svadhyaya) so that I can set the tone for the rest of the day.
I took a picture that was in the bookstore yesterday morning when I walked in but I can’t add it yet as I haven’t put it onto my computer. It was a chalkboard that simply said “I am a divine being” (isvara pranidhana). I giggled and thought of Emerson and Karma Teachers.
Yes I am!
On that note, bring on the day!
Namaste to all you lovely people who read this.