This long weekend has been one of reflection and rest.
After a busy few weeks that has included a lot of welcomed change I found myself completely crashed and drained of motivation. It was too much to even meditate! Sleep, eating and more sleep was all I could muster on saturday. I know that I had been hard on myself about my home practice and taking on a bit more then I probably should have with this part time job. I have come to a much more forgiving place! After a few friends gave me a friendly smack on the head (some literally, some with their words!) and I was able to rest I took in the message and eased up on myself. Thank you friends 🙂
The journey of becoming a yoga teacher, if done truthfully, is a deep explorative change that takes time and patience. The home practice is not going to be perfect. ESPECIALLY if you did not have a home self driven practice beforehand. Taking the leap to adjust the direction of my job/career (I’m still undecided if I am a “career” person) is a huge risk and can feel overwhelming. Changing my financial life has an undercurrent of stress that continuously flows throughout the day. Lastly, knowing that I am the type of person that tends not to focus on “mastering” things can also be challenging.
So, with all that said I am going to be A LOT easier on myself and my expectations of my focus and results. As long as I do a little each day (maybe I’ll only do some sun salutations and not a whole practice) and slowly create the changes that fit for ME then I will have a successful yoga life. Notice I did not say a yoga career or yoga job. Life. I am working towards a deeper and more sustainable practice. That was my original focus and so it shall continue to be so.
With that more relaxed and less tense feeling toward my current goal I have already done a home practice today (thanks to youtube) and practiced my fear pose (crow pose) which I held for 2 breaths! All be it a bit shaky. I also got my legs into half lotus (my seated pose I want to focus on) without much pain. I will work towards holding it longer and longer. I even did a few tries at my third pose I committed to working on, the eastern intense stretch. I need to research some ways to slowly build towards this last one because it intimidates me.
*phew* there was a whole lot of processing going on for me! There was some additional personal work I’ve done around feeling the burn out from my previous work life but that’s not up for public blog 😉
Tapas – my focus may wobble and change but I commit to my mat and my teacher and guides that I will continue to re-visit this topic and adjust as needed so that it can grow and become strong and sustainable.
Love & Light & Namaste to those that support me and give me space to fumble through this life change!