Yoga has made me cry. Again.
I’ve had an odd week or so with my relationship with yoga. After a short home practice today, a face plant, frustration and tears, I laid down to “soak in the practice” but instead cried and laughed at myself. A few poses had earned a place on ‘My list’. This is not a good list. It is my list where things that I no longer find useful and my ego has full reign. I knew I needed to adjust said list and perhaps work on getting rid of it. So after trying to relax and do some simple poses with my eyes closed I connected.
Suddenly I realized that I was over working and over thinking things. Yes, people that know me, this is no surprise.
It is one thing to understand cognitively that one over thinks things. It’s another to emotionally know it (and fully ignore it) but it is a whole other thing to have your body yell “stop! right now! face what you know and chill the hell out!” . My face plant was my body’s was of saying just that. So I rolled over, made sure I wasn’t bleeding and listened.
I listened. Intently.
I basically overcomplicated what I “should” be doing and how it “should” look. I compare myself with where I am now to where I once was and where I want to be. I don’t fully just enjoy exactly the full extent of who I am now. (hhmmm, interesting typo that shall remain. I meant to write ‘where I am now in that last sentence.)
I also tried my fear pose (crane – pesky arm balance thats tough to do when I don’t trust my weak little arms)
a few more times because I knew there was more to learn from it.
More tears. More realizations. More laughing at self.
I know why I go as far as I do in goals (or don’t do) and that I am on the cusp of basically just getting over it. This is a good thing. I am going to keep this as a focus and simplify how I approach things for the next little while.
Calm down ego, I’ve got this. I think.